you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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