I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
