she woke up with a sticky ear
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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