the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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