Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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