I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
