I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
