i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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