He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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