Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
