we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My feet surprised me
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