My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
