6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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