A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
