Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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