i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
