4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
