I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
