how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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