Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
