I am puke
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
