got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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