I feel great
I just peed on a car
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
