is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
