I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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