I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
