Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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