so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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