So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
