Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You ruined the universe
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
