those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
