i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
