So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
