I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
