how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
