this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
