I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
