are you so shy because you have an std?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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