Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
