dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
