There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
