Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
