a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
