Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
