I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
