Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
