My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
