I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
