"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
