and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
