I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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