i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
be right there i have to get my cape
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
