you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
