so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
