i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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