Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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