I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
