I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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